Topic: A Wishing Well
In
the small village, there was an old man who lives in a hut. His hair was
blonde, and his skin was wrinkly. His name was George. His age was 80 old. He
didn’t have anyone. His wife had passed away since past 5 years and he didn’t
have child. So, he had to work hard for fulfill the daily needs. He worked as
wood gatherer. He worked every day in the forest gathering the woods. Then he
sold the woods got the money but unfortunately, the prize of the woods was very
cheap. So he could only earned little amount of money and it was only enough to
buy two piece of bread. Those two pieces
of bread which were
usually just able to support life only
for two days.
Sometimes
the neighbor helped him with giving a food or a little money but he, unluckily
was very arrogant man so he always rejected their helpful offering. He thought
all people ware pitying at him because he was old and there was nothing which
he could do. So, it wasn’t odd if in the end many people didn’t care with him
anymore. Not only that, his attitude was very bad, he always got angry, cursing
people, and of course that all eventually made the people around him got away
from him.
# # #
One
day, the old man was cutting tree in the forest and the sweat began damped his
shirt and he got difficult to take breath. Suddenly he saw the old well. He saw
it from distance. The old well looks very mysterious because usually in this
location there was no a well. He moved near and tried to touch the edge of old
well which was full mosses. His eyes looked into the old well fearfully but
magically he could not see anything inside the old well. The old well was
covered by the darkness. The depth of old well also could not be imagined but
surprisingly for after that something from the deep appeared a glow. The glow
was bright shined slowly brighter and brighter. The old man got scare and
stayed away from the edge of old well. Then the situation around of him with
magic changed mystically. The wind begun blowing from any directions and spun
and twisted exactly at the top of the old well.
The
light came out of the old well pouring slowly then went round and round the top
of the old well. The old man began getting scared. He tried to move and to run
away. But alas, he could not move anything. He felt down on the ground. But,
surprisingly the light turned into the figure of a beautiful woman with a long
dress and had pair of wings attached to her shoulders. Her face was as white as
her clothes also white. Her figure looked like a white shadow. Even the trees
that stood in the back of her body are also displayed transparent and she
smiled to the old man mysteriously.
“What
do you wish? I will do for all of your expectation” she said with soft voice
“What?
Are you sure? But, who are you?” the old man asked with full horror.
But, unfortunately she just smiled
again and didn’t answer anything. She didn’t care the question of that old man.
“So, what do you want?”
she asked once more.
He
looked confused and scared “Mmm.. aaa.. I’m hoping to become the richest man in
this village” he answered the questions haltingly.
The silence came and
everything as if stopped. Nothing moved. She got surprised and stared at the
old man with strange look.
“Are you sure?” she
asked to the old man seriously with affirmative voice. As if she very was keen
to know the truth. Really?
The
old man only stared at her with afraid but she only smiled at him again and
again. Her right hand was directed to the old man and after that a glow
magically came out from her fingers. The old man was very surprised and he
quickly closed his eyes because of the glow was very glaring.
A few minute later, the
old man remained still and was waiting to see what would happen? But he didn’t
feel anything from his body. He then tried to open his eyes slowly. The first
he looked was white glow. Then he thought perhaps now, he had been in heaven.
Suddenly his hand feel touched something soft and the glow began to fade. The
place where he was there suddenly changed very strange, and the fact was very
amazing. Now, his eyes were looking at the place he was sat. He found himself
in the room. The room was very large and fulfilled by a variety of antique
articles which costs very expensive. He was sitting down on the silk bed. That
bed was very soft and he was sure that the bed was made from goose feathers.
Suddenly he heard the
door knocked..
Knock.. Knock.. Knock
..
It was sound of the
door being knocked from outside and the old man looked puzzled. What should I
do? He got stand up from the bed and ran to the window. He was trying to escape
from the room. He thought it would be a thief out there but he saw how high the
house was. So, he changed his mind because he was on the 3rd floor.
There is no way to
escape then.
“Mr. George? Are you
awake? Breakfast is ready..” said a voice from behind of the door.
He listened his name
was called. Yeah..
That person outside called his name. That was right. Eventually, he opened the door. Now, in front
of him stood up a beautiful girl in waiters clothing. She looked very
beautiful.
“Oh.. Mr. George, you
have wake up. Come here, I have prepare for your breakfast, Madam is also
already in the dining room waiting for you” she spoke with respect.
“Mm… aaa.. Ok.. I will
be right down to the dining room” He replied with rush.
The
servant the bowed and afterward she
was away to wherever the old man didn’t know. She disappeared
mysteriously. The old man looked back at the room. He saw the house was very large. It has lot of large room. A Large room with
a large lamp adorned
with crystals hanging
in the middle of the
room. Then many doors lined up
next to his room. Now, he begun realized
and he maybe was actually granted with his request by the mysterious
woman who appeared from the inside of old well.
The
old man then walked down to the second floor. From a distance he saw a large dining table that
has been filled with variety of delicious foods and
fruits. There were a long-haired woman and four children
around it. It seemed that the
woman didn’t feels there someone noticed and paid
attention to her. After moment, she suddenly turned to
the old man with surprised.
"Oh
... you've come?
Let's eat! The kids are waiting for
you.. “ Said
the beautiful woman's with hair dangled up to her shoulder freely. The hair was curled.
He
moved forward and takes seat in the middle of the
dining room. He tried to look at the
four children. The children were two boys and two girls. It was very odd, he just expected to
become a rich but he got
more than what he expected before. He had a beautiful woman
as his wife and four children? It was
a very surprising thing.
After
everyone had finished their meal,
the atmosphere was getting quiet.
The woman who apparently
was his new wife suddenly got up from her chair and followed
by their children after that. They
walked towards the stairs. They went up the
stairs after they turned toward the old man. They smiled sweetly to him, but then their smile
turned into hatred and sadness. He was very
confused to saw their expression changed and
he walked up to approach them and
ask what really happened.
The old man begun stride to
get near to his
wife and her
children, but they continue their walk down the stairs
to the first floor. He ran quickly to catch up them, but he could not catch them. They as if have
the power run very fast,
and then they disappeared from
his sight.
Now The old man found himself stood at a very spacious yard. Not long after
that he ssuddenly,
his ears herd
a noise from somewhere, but he continued running to find where the sound was coming from.
Eventually, he found the source of voice. The
voice was springing from his front fence. In front of the yard there are hundreds of villagers
gathered near the
fence. Their faces
were creepy. They were angry and farious. They began throwing dirty words out of their mouths when they looked at him. He was standing faced them, and they begun clutch their dagger and sword blades in their hands. Even the most
surprising thing was, his new wife and her children also were standing among the crowd of villagers. They also
looked him filled with
hatred. The old man became
very scared and confused to see what
happened to him.
And, actulaly he didn’t know what to do.
The Villagers continued to push the fences, and finally, the fence collapsed because it was
not able to resist the urge of them anymore. They were soon running into the yard and
tried to chase the
old man. While they chased
the old man, they were raising
daggers and swords
in their hands. The old man ran out of the house
through the back door. Then, fortunately he found a bush and he tried to hide among the bushes to save him self, but he was peered villagers from the
bushes. He could saw the villagers shouting his name angrily. He tried to remain
silently and quietly and hoped that
they
could not find him in his
hiding place.
Suddenly, there was voice
calling his name softly.
"George
.. George ..."
He tried to turn
his body and
look around. He was surprised to fin
his wife
who was died few
years ago standing there. His
name was Rose but, she looked
still beautiful. She wore
the white dress. He lived
with her for 60 years. The old man looked
very happy for he could meet
with Rose. Really he missed
her, and
now she appeared in
front of him exactly?
Impossible and incredible thing,
but it happened.
"Rose
.. is this really
you?" The old man said, and
he
seemed unconvinced.
"Yeah, it's me Rose,
Geoge. your wife"
she answered and
smiled
softly.
"Oh
Rose .. I really missed you"
The old man then began
to rise.
He got out from his hiding
place and approached
Rose.
"I
am too, but I
was disappointed to see you like this, George. I
think you are going
to live well after I have gone.” said Rose.
"Ahh.. This is really not
as what you think,
Rose.
I have absolutely not known what was going on"
George tried to
explain
confusedly.
"I
know everything
George.
Since you become
rich, you buy
all the agricultural land and you don’t allow the
villagers to work in your field. Even
when you lend your money to someone, you take the advantage from these
loans. I also
know, when you
had forced an impoverished
farmer to marry his doughter to you because they can’t pay
off your debt ", said
Rose
"What??
I do
this all??
No
...
That
are
not true
...
I
can’t
possibly do that all. I
still love
you!
Forever!”
The old man started
to
be in depression.
"I
am really disappointed with you, George..
I
guess,
you
will live
in a hut
in
which has been
our
home
and
will continue
to love
me until
you die”
Rose looked very
sad.
"It’s
not me!
Rose..
Trust me, please...
“ He
shouted.
The
old man tried to grab her hand, but
he could not grab her
hand.
He incessantly called Rose
and
continued to chase
the shadows
of his wife until
he
entered into the
forest.
Suddenly, he
stopped
at
an
old well.
The same
old well
where it came out
the
strange
woman in the past.
The
entire problems
made him stared
angrily
to the old well.
"What
actually occur??? I
only
hope
to be
rich!!
Why what actually
happen
like that!"
He screamed
towards
the old well.
The
old man cried on
the edge
of
the
old well.
Occasionally he
called the
name of his wife,
Rose.
He hoped
that
his
wife
would
come back and he
could
explain
to
her: what really
happened.
Without his knowing, that
the same
figure
emerged from
the old well.
On the back him there was shadow
woman
with a
beautiful
white
dress
and
wings.
Then,
she smiled happier when she viewed the old man cried.
He seemed to
realize that
she
had appeared for the old well. He
immediately stood
up and looked
at her angrily.
"What have been going on?
Why did
all
this happen?"
the old man shouted
angrily, but the woman
just
smiled looked at
his
emotion.
"That
is your
expectation.
You
want to be
rich
and I
grant it."
She said softly
"But
why with the resident
of the village, and
also
his wife and
children
in
my
house?"
George
looks
confused by all
these.
"That all
is what
will
happen
if
you
become rich.
If you got richer,
the worse things
you will get”
“That was not
possible!
That's not
possible!
“ He
yelled
back.
"Try
to ask yourself. Ask your
heart and
your mind.
What
do you ask was a
good
hope? "
The
old man was silent.
He
looked at her
and
thought about
what
was
she saying.
The woman
smiled again
and she saw
that
him
was silent
and
didn’t
know what to say. He perhaps got
confused.
"Now, I’ll give you one more wish. What do you really expect?"
The old man was silent and he closed his eyes. This time he
tried to think the
deepest of his heart, and think about what he really expected. A few seconds
later he opened his eyes and smiled.
"I hope I can be with my wife who I love dearly, Rose
.." He said quietly
"Are you sure" She was asked full of smiled
"Yeahh.. As long as this is true, I hope only to continue to be in could make Rose happy” the woman kept smiled to see the old man.
"Well.. I will do.. “She replied and smiled, satisfied to hear his answered.
Not as before, the woman instantly vanished and the old man’s wife appeared on front him in return. She hovered above the old well. Her face looked
so happy. They both gave each other a smiled. He touched her arm. He was very happy. Instantaneously, he joined drift with Rose in the air. The body and color of him suddenly changed. Also the clothes George wore changed. Everything was white and glowing like a Rose’s.
Eventually, they hold each other
their arms and hugged each other tightly. Vaguely, the second
ghost has also disappeared
in the sun and a clump of trees. The only remained then was figure of the old man in lifeless, leaning on the edge of the old well.
That's life.
To hold a wish we must firstly to think it well. Only
a wish which we have thought well is the
good wish. We are not allowed to loose our selves and controlled by a wishful
thing. A wish that really vacant or will destroy our lives. GBU.
# # #
1. Focus/Organization:
BalasHapusa. It fulfills the purpose of narrative text by telling an interesting story.
b. The story has a strong beginning.
c. Time order is used.
Score: 30/35
2. Style/Elaboration
a. Every sentence is important.
b. There is not enough detail provided to describe the setting of time and place.
c. There is no realistic dialogue to make the story more interesting.
d. There are transitional signals to help move the story along.
Score: 20/35
Grammar/Usage and Mechanics:
a. The strory is free of misspelling, and words are capitalized correctly.
b. Sentences are punctuated correctly, and it is free of fragments and run on.
c. It uses standard English.
Score: 30/30
Post this to your final draft.